There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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