i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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