Already got asked if we're dating
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
