he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
