Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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