The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
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