he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
