If i come over, it means nothing
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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