I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
this just has baby written all over it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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