Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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