he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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