I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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