We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
