She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
