none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
