final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
