I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize