You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You've changed since you got that strap on
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
