If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
