The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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