I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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