yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
