Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
