They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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