He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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