totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
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No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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