I was born with a shot glass in my hand
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
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How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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