he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
