Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
