She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
