the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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