What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize