He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
