Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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