I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
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SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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