Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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