it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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