My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
