recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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