Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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