No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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