drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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