i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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