The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
