I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
