I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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