And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You were trust falling into bushes
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
