just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
