i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
