I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
