The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm bleeding and have questions
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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