Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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