haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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