Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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