When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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