what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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