I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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